"Shhhhh! Quiet Mommy!"

My day started at around 6am with Caitlyn calling very loudly "MOMMY! I WAKE UP!!!" It is days like this that you wish they come with snooze buttons... The one option was to ignore it and hope she was somehow able to amuse herself thinking that I was still sleeping (even if it is just for 5 or 10 minutes longer), but that only encouraged her to keep calling and so when she called "MOMMY! I WAKE UP! I MAKING POOS!" I knew that that would be the end of my sleep and so I called back "I'm just waking up!" and she whispered "shhhh! Quiet Mommy!" because of course Bianca was still asleep. At times it is really hard keeping a straight face!

It seems that this week turned out particularly good and so far we haven't had any bad steroid side-effects. Bianca's been happy, coped really well with school. I'm so pleased because I had Caitlyn the whole week with me and Terence was in Wellington for the week. Today I'm a bit tired though so I am very pleased Terence is back.

I also learned that at least 2 people that I have come to know through this cancer journey will be making their way from Wellington to Auckland really soon for their treatment. I feel so sorry and so sad for them. It must be so hard to deal with on top of everything else. But I'm not surprised it happened, I just feel sad that it's come to this. If you are interested in reading the newspaper article, click here.

I also read in the printed copy of The Dominion Post: "Stocks of AB blood group have fallen to low levels, the Blood Service says. Levels of the AB negative and positive blood group are the lowest in six years. Group O blood levels were also low". So if you are in a position to donate, please do so. There are so many people right now who need a blood transfusion to help save their lives. You too can make a difference and become a hero to somebody like Bianca!

Theatre day

Yesterday Terence took Bianca to Starship for her monthly visit. It was also day 1 of our 84 day cycle and so that meant theatre and that meant they were there pretty much the whole day. We left the house at 8:30am and I think I picked them up at around 5pm or 5:30pm. All good, we are used to that by now, so it doesn't bother us too much.

Her neutrophils were a bit on the high side and so they upped her oral chemo.

The doctor wanted a second blood test done and it turned out that Bianca's B12 and Folate levels were a bit low. We understand that this can happen when you take anti-virals for a long time. Bianca's been taking Acyclovir 400mg 4 times a day since she got shingles at the beginning of last year. So now we need to only give a half a tablet 3 or 4 times a day. It feels weird to have to suddenly give less than before, but I guess with the end of treatment in sight and only 3 months away, it makes sense to start cutting down on the medicines that might not be quite as essential anymore and since the Acyclovir is really just a preventative medicine, it seems the right decision. It still feels weird though.

And of course we have steroids this week, but so far so good. Although experience taught me that by around Wednesday I can expect things to become more challenging (and this week will be particularly challenging as Terence is in Wellington for work and so I'll have to do this by myself). Fingers crossed it will be one of those better weeks.

Let's celebrate!

Two years ago Bianca's birthday party ended up being in hospital. It was just after she was diagnosed and I'll never forget when she turned to me asking "but Mommy, when are my friends coming?" She was going to have a pretty cool birthday party with her friends, but unfortunately Leukemia had other plans...

Today (Saturday) was such a blessed day for us. We had Bianca's 6th birthday party today. I know it is about 2 weeks before her real birthday, but we figured with winter coming and the fact that many of the kids in her group at school have birthdays around the same time, better have it early. Initially Bianca thought this was just a party, but we explained that this is her birthday party even though she isn't quite 6 just yet, that she would have a birthday cake and friends and that we would all sing happy birthday. We chose the Ivy Cottage for Bianca's birthday and the theme was Fairies - no surprises there. Terence and Caitlyn stayed at home because Caitlyn is a bit too young for this venue, but we'll do something on Bianca's birthday where Caitlyn can join in too.

The Ivy Cottage is such a great venue. Our house is way too small and with it being winter, we really do need something that has some indoor options. I've written before about this venue and how it looks like this magical fairy garden. It has all sorts of hidden fairies and interesting things to discover. And today we had Bianca's party there.

I have to say I'm really proud of the cake I managed to make. I'm not very good at cake baking and decorating and my friend Mika kindly let me borrow some of her cake decorating things. Twice before (when Bianca turned 3 and 5) she also wanted a fairy birthday and for both these parties she had a mushroom cake, so I wanted something that was different this time and not too complicated. So I searched around for examples and managed to put this together:

What I like about it is that it is a garden cake and so I was able to pretty much put anything into this garden. I managed to buy the little fairies, and turned my garden cake into a fairy garden. It was hard work though and I worked all the way until 3:30am this morning to finish it (thankfully Terence let me sleep in this morning).

At the party they had face painting and dress ups. Here is Bianca with some of her friends at the party all dressed up:

The kids went on a treasure hunt and they were so excited each time they found a clue.

They wrote little letters for Pooh Bear and posted it in a special magical post box and when they weren't looking he came and left them a little letter too. As Bianca explained to Terence afterwards "Pooh bear is real, daddy, he sent us a letter".

They decorated a little shaped cookie which they could all take home and they had a wishing stone ceremony where they each got a wishing stone and some magical sparkles. Bianca explained that you need to put it under your pillow when you go to bed.

And of course special party food on a beautifully decorated table. Bianca loved sitting in the special chair.

Then it was time for presents. Bianca got such cool presents and tonight and tomorrow she'll be writing special thank you notes.

So a perfect venue for a perfect day, they did all the entertaining and the clean up afterwards and the parents got to enjoy a cup of tea and good conversation. It was truly a magical day for all of us!

Looking back

Two years and 3 days ago our lives changed forever. We didn't quite realise it then. All we knew was that we took Bianca to the A&E as she had a swollen lymph node behind her head which we assumed was something to do with the tonsilitis she had earlier that month in May 2007. It was on that day that our nearly 4 year old was admitted to hospital for the very first time in her life. I remember the panic I felt when Terence phoned to say that she was admitted with low platelets and low red blood cells and that she would have to stay for further tests. I remember praying that whatever it was that she could be treated and that she could be cured. God answered that prayer and two years ago today Bianca was formally diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (which is both treatable and has a high chance of success).

I can hardly believe it's been 2 years already. At times it feels as if it was just yesterday that we sat there in this tiny little room with Doctor Anne, but at times it feels as if we have always had leukemia part of our lives. Sometimes it is hard to remember what life was like before Bianca was diagnosed.

But here we are with a little more than 3 months left on treatment, well 3 months and 6 days to be exact. Two years ago I desperately wanted to get to today even though it felt as if time came to a complete standstill. And here we are today, amazed at how much we have achieved and how much we have grown during this time. We've learned a lot about life, about ourselves and about other people, but most of all, we've learned just how much one little girl can teach us about living life to the fullest.

Facials, massages and bellydancing!

Yesterday I had the most fun day out. It was a "me" kind of day with CCF. They had a mum's only day and it was a day of lunch and pampering. It was so good to see some of my CCF friends and to catch up with them. So I ended up getting a massage and a facial (and some mums got their hair and make-up done too). That was so cool and so relaxing. And then there was a bellydancer who entertained us a bit. Wow, she is so good.

Of course as it often happens they wanted audience participation (with outfits) and so a bunch of us gave it a try. Let me tell you, it looks way easier than it is and I discovered I had muscles where I didn't know I had muscles. Trying to pull in your tummy and bum and at the same time swinging your hips and pointing your toe - needless to say it proved fairly challenging. But, I'd have to say, I can't remember when last I laughed as much as yesterday - it was pretty cool.

I know it doesn't look like I was pulling in my tummy, but believe me I was!!!

The only huge frustration was my stupid phone. When I got there I sent my friend Christina a message (or try to), but it kept freezing on me. We caught up after the mum's day out and I needed to let her know what time the function would finish. So then the screen would go all blank, it would lose signal, I would wait for it to reset itself, then click on message and it would say "message memory not ready" or something like this and finally will get back to sending a message, just to find that it wouldn't let me click on "send" Urggh. And so it would repeat it's stupid reset action until finally my message sent.

So when my phone was still doing the same stupid reset action this morning, I was about ready to throw it out the window. Terence agreed to have a look at it and finally established that my inbox was too full. Really? I didn't know that my phone couldn't handle 739 messages in the inbox. Okay, I didn't know it had that many messages and I never got a warning that the inbox was too full. And now that he deleted them all, my phone is working just fine. So I think from now on I'll just have to clear it more often...

Arts and crafts

Bianca has been fairly busy the last little while, but in a good and exciting way. She still love doing her sewing and they make the cutest little things. Currently they are making a bag of some sorts to put their sewing stuff in, so not sure when I will get to see this project. The last one Bianca finished and brought home was a little cat. She is so incredibly proud of herself, and we are too!

Then during last week Bianca and her class went to the Honey Centre not too far from us. I went along as a parent helper and had 4 kids in my group including Bianca. First we listened to them explain all about the hives and the bees and the honey. They showed what their hives look like and how they would extract the honey. They passed around some wax and pollen for us all to look at and the one little boy even had a chance to dress as a beekeeper. After this the kids had a chance to make a candle from beeswax. It was so easy and Bianca especially loved making it.

Afterwards we all went into the shop where we could see a display of bees (behind glass, thankfully).

And then she couldn't wait to let her dad light it at home.

Oh, and we've lost another tooth tonight. This time she didn't swallow it (and Terence helped it out a bit because it was pretty much falling out by that time), so no doubt we will get a visit from the tooth fairy tonight...

Eight things...

Last week I got tagged by Sharon.

To do list (i.e. “the rules”):
1. Mention the person who tagged me.
2. Complete the list of 8’s.
3. Tag 8 bloggers & tell them I tagged them.

Eight things I am looking forward to:

1. Finishing Bianca's treatment in September - I can hardly wait, although it will be pretty scary too!
2. Getting a new job - if people can look past the leukemia we are dealing with
3. Tomorrow - it is a public holiday and Terence will be home with us
4. Bianca's very first school play in June
5. Bianca's birthday party on the 6th of June (although the cake is still giving me headaches)
6. Getting a lifestyle block / farm close to the city
7. Getting alpacas (and other animals) for the lifestyle block / farm
8. Finishing Bianca's birthday cake

Eight things I did yesterday:
1. Done some housecleaning
2. Met up with some great friends at the CCF Mom's day
3. Got a massage at the CCF Mom's day
4. Got a facial at the CCF Mom's day
5. Got frustrated with my phone that kept freezing on me
6. Tried bellydancing and haven't laughed so much in a long time (along with realising that pulling in your tummy and bum at the same time as trying to swing your hips are pretty tough).
7. Met up with my friend Christina
8. Got up several times in the night for Caitlyn (sigh!)

Eight things I wish I could do:
1. Find some time to start my hobbies again
2. Learn to paint
3. Go on a nice holiday somewhere
4. Get that lifestyle block with alpacas and other animals
5. Decorate cakes like the professionals do
6. Eat sushi - it always looks so nice when other people eat sushi, but I really can't stand the taste
7. Be a professional photographer - I've always like photography and wish I had the talent that some people out there have
8. Find a nice job soon

Eight shows I watch:
1. Shortland Street
2. Amazing Race
3. Hell's Kitchen (it just finished)
4. American Idol (it just finished)
5. Mitre 10 Dream home (it recently finished)
6. Grand Designs (if the TV is on at that time)
7. Gilmore Girls
8. Whatever the kids are choosing to watch - Curious George, Winnie the Pooh, Lilo and Stitch, Dora, Thomas...

Eight favorite fruits:
1. Grapes
2. Bananas
3. Mandarins
4. Oranges
5. Bananas
6. Peaches
7. Pears
8. Kiwi Fruit

Eight places I’d like to travel:
1. Parts of NZ I haven't been to yet (and there are many!)
2. Cook Islands
3. Samoa
4. Dubai to visit my aunt and see what it looks there
5. Australia
6. Disney World in the US
7. The UK to see Buckingham palace
8. Not sure where else...

Eight places I’ve lived:

In South Africa:
1. Sasolburg (I was born there)
2. Vanderbijlpark
3. Newcastle
4. Johannesburg (Midrand)

New Zealand:
1. Auckland
2. Wellington

People I’ve tagged:
In no particular order -

Suzanne
Chatabox
Annie Fox
Annie
Renee
Del
Sandy
Jacki

Sometimes it is like a door slamming shut

It's been a fairly busy week. Apart from the usual looking after Caitlyn on the days she is not at daycare, tennis on Wednesdays, getting Bianca from school and so on, I've also been looking for a job. It is a bit scary too. Especially this time of the year, but more on that a little later so just watch the space.

I must say things have certainly become quite tough on the job front. When we first arrived there were lots of jobs and at times I had several options to choose from. Now? Not so much.

And of course I have this gap in my CV of most of 2 years to try and explain and I've realised how often when people learn that it was because of Bianca and her leukemia, how quickly they then turn me down.

Earlier this week I struggled a bit with this after a call from an agent. She asked me what it meant for an employer that Bianca has leukemia and I mentioned that I wanted to explain why there was a gap in my CV, but also an employer needs to know about this because there will be times that I will need time off. I then explained that Bianca is doing really well, is well settled at school, only needs to go to hospital once a month and that I can share this with Terence, so I would not have to take a day off every month.

She then said "well, I've got lots of CVs to go through and I will get back to you if you are suitable". You know how when you go and look at a rental place and it isn't quite what you are looking for, and you tell the estate agent that you still have some properties to go and look at and that you will call them? Yes, it felt a bit like that. So then I mentioned that if she thought I was not suitable for the specific positon I applied for if she could please consider me for something else that would be suitable, to which she replied "I understand what you are asking". Not "I will keep your details on record", not "I will keep an eye out", not "let's meet and I can get to know you better". And then afterwards I realised that she didn't have the normal reaction of "I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter, how is she doing now?", no it was "so what does this mean to an employer?"

So yes, I felt pretty down after that call. It is hard when you not only compete against other applicants, but also, that I guess, people look at the leukemia situation and see that as an obstacle rather than discuss with me to try and understand how that will work in a job situation. But anyway. I'm sure the right job will come along when I least expect it.