Trying to keep up with others

Today was Bianca's last tennis lesson of the term. I am quite shocked to realise that within 2 days the first term of school will be done. It almost feels as if it went too fast.

Choosing tennis for Bianca was a great choice, she had so much fun and I learned today that starting kids between the ages of4 and 7 is the best time to start if they ever decide to take their tennis to a more professional level. I don't yet know if Bianca will end up having the talent or desire to take it to a more professional level (and certainly it sounds so expensive), but for us it is more important that she has fun and do the best she can and so far so good.

As I was sitting there watching today, there were moments that I felt a little sad. Bianca tries so hard, but she just cannot run as fast or as well as the other kids. At times the kids all had to run after some of the balls. I noticed that Bianca would run as fast as she could when she spotted a ball and another child would beat her to it, and I could just see the disappointment in her face when the other child picked it up before Bianca could (and I found myself wishing they would just give her a chance), but despite her disappointment, she didn't cry, she didn't argue, she just left it and for that I'm thankful. But I couldn't help feeling a little sad for Bianca. I know that it is likely only until September when she will have the last of her Vincristine doses, and I'm hopeful that soon after that her running ability will improve, not because we want her to become an athlete or something like this, but so that just for once she is able to run at least as well as some of the other children in her class or at tennis or wherever.

Today I also met with some of the mums at the monthly CCF coffee morning. It is always good to catch up and meet some of the other families walking this journey. The one mum is at the stage where she is starting to think when the best time would be for her little girl to start school, and it really brought back memories of when we were thinking about starting school with Bianca and how very daunting it felt. Suddenly we realised that starting school wasn't just a simple process ,it was actually quite complicated because there were so many things to take into consideration.

I also discussed with them why we decided to start blogging. For one it is a great way to stay in touch with people, it is different to an email and so you don't end up forcing people to read your updates or look at your photos when they might not actually be interested. It ends up being their choice. For us it also helped to create awareness. But most of all, this forms part of Bianca's memories. I don't know how much she will remember one day, but I'm fairly certain she might very well have questions about the time she had cancer. So I want her to be able to come here and read all about it. I want her to know that whilst we had some challenging days, we also had many many happy, smiley and more normal days. I want to share with Caitlyn one day that we didn't forget about her, but we made a point to remember her own little achievements. And whilst it would be so easy to just try and completely forget about this time, I don't think it will work this way. I think it will always be a part of our lives. Certainly we will never know life again as we knew it before cancer, it changed us and shaped us and pushed us on a different path than we ever thought we would go. It might seem like a very bad thing, but there are positive aspects too, like the strength you gain, you change your priorities, you do tend to focus more on the little things and appreciate that so much more.

I will never deny or dismiss this journey, I don't think it will be possible to try and forget because it is part of us whether we like it or not, and the only thing we can do is to learn from the lessons it offers and to take the positives with us on our future journey!


Anonymous said...

I am a stranger who came acroos your site through Declan Du Toit, a little boy who touched my heart of hearts, but I read your updates and think. What a brave mommy. I am so happy to hear Bianca is doing well. She is always in my prayers as are you too. Love Belinda

Anonymous said...

Another spot-on post, Lea. We're sending positive energy as Bianca gets closer to the completion of treatment. Again, thank you for your guidance and willingness to share. It surely has helped us navigate through to where we are now. Natalie started Maintenance yesterday! Maybe one day Bianca and Nat can play tennis together and picture the ball as a cancer cell and smack the heck out of it. Cheers, Don.

Anonymous said...

I can imagine that seeing Bianca struggle with something that other kids take foregranted must be hurtful and sad but I think its fantastic that she's clearly been born with a winners spirit. Good for her for not letting it get her down.