A rough night

Last night was a very rough night. Caitlyn pretty much slept through, but Bianca was restless and fussy and I think the rash was either itchy or a bit sore so she kept insisting that one of us sleep next to her. So we were very tired this morning. When I left for work this morning, the "what if's?" kept me occupied all the way to the city. I worried that Bianca would have to be admitted again and with me just starting this new job...

Terence, Sanna, Bianca and Caitlyn all went to the hospital for Bianca's appointment. They are quite happy with the way the rash is going and feel confident that it is getting better. Of course to me it still looks pretty much the same. Thereafter Sanna dropped Terence off at work and then brought the kids home.

I was worried that it might become a problem with Bianca being off chemo still, but they assured us that she still has a long time on chemo to help fight the leukemia and that we shouldn't feel worried.

This weekend we want to have Caitlyn's birthday party. I'm just crossing fingers that Bianca doesn't have to be admitted to hospital again for whatever reason. It will just be us, but Caitlyn deserves to have a little party to celebrate turning 1 and we really want to include Bianca as well.

I survived my second day at work. It feels quite good to be amongst people again. Since Bianca became sick my interaction with people has been limited to seeing people at the hospital and people in passing at the shops (I can only just imagine what the isolation must feel like for Bianca). And of course the extra money will come in handy even though most of my money will be spent on childcare. But at the same time, it does feel like I'm stepping out of my comfort zone, it does feel like I'm swimming in unknown waters. I've come to know this "game" as highly unpredictable and so I am back to just taking one step at a time like always. And certainly whilst Maintenance has brought with it some sense of normality, I also realise life has become more complicated for us and will be so for many years to come.

But at the end of the day we are blessed that we have each other and together we can walk this road no matter what comes our way!

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