Boy, am I glad today is over...

Thank you so very much to Angela (Dominic and Luka), The James Family and Saana [and parents] (Saana is one of Bianca's best friends) for sponsoring me to participate in Funrazor. Your support is amazing and will make a big difference.

This morning Bianca woke up pretty emotional and she complained of sore legs. So I decided that it would be best to keep her home. For most of it she copes pretty well with school, but I guess there must be times that she must get tired too and so on those days it is best just to let her take it a bit easier and let her body recover a bit more. The chemo must be working pretty well because she is definitely losing hair again, and of course that might mean that she might get more tired than usual. I'm not quite sure why Bianca is losing hair again as I really thought that once kids reach their maintenance phase that was it for the hair loss and she would get proper hair again, but Bianca's hair doesn't seem to grow much. I mean it did for a while, but it stays short and now it is really thin at the top and I can see parts of her scalp through the hair. I see other kids on maintenance who is at the same part of maintenance as Bianca and they definitely have way more hair than Bianca has. This morning when she woke up she had hair all over her pillow and I also notice this in the bath in the evenings. It makes me feel a little sad for her because sometimes she really just wants to have a ponytail or two and right now there is no way that I would be able to make a little pony tail at the top of her head (can't do it at the back because it is really short at the back).

Tonight was pretty full on with Caitlyn crying from around 7pm to 9pm when she finally fell asleep. Not sure what was up, whether she felt too warm (so I changed her into cooler clothes, just in case and opened her windows), tried closing her door, opening it, closing it again. Tried sitting with her a little while, she had a bottle, changed her nappy, let her have some water. Each time I go there she is happy, each time I leave, she screams as if she is in severe pain, which of course she can't be if she stops crying as soon as I walk into her room. But all is quiet now in her room and so I guess she must be asleep.

After Caitlyn's bath, I also noticed a number of bruises on her legs and of course this brought an instant flashback to when Bianca was around Caitlyn's age and she used to get all those bruises. All the time. And I remember thinking "please just don't look like hand / finger marks" - because how would I be able to explain that? Of course Caitlyn is quite active, she runs around a lot and no doubt also bumps into things and a number of times when she gets cross or she doesn't want you to hold her hand, she will make herself fall down, so her legs do get a bit of a rough treatment from her. But either way, I don't like bruises. I will always worry about bruises. I shouldn't, but that's just the way we've had to become.


Anonymous said...

Seems today was just a generally sh*tty day for everyone.
Very sad to hear about B's hair! I can't imagine how tough this must be for her!

Anonymous said...

you should really go get caitlyn checked out