Reality-check

For most of it, we are doing really well. I would say we adjusted pretty well to this new life, this new road we are walking. But I guess it is easy because Bianca just takes it in her stride. She does what she needs to, she never asks "why?", she doesn't mourn her "previous" life, she lives for the moment and most of all, she smiles.

But sometimes there is a reminder, a wake-up call that our journey is so very uncertain. At times it does feel a bit like you are in a room, you switch off the light and in that instant the room is so dark that you are not able to see your hand in front of you, but you have to walk back to your bed. You know the road, but the road is dark and at times you do bump yourself along the way. So far we have managed to walk this road, despite not quite knowing what lies around the corner. If anything does freak me out it is the whole unknown factor. So at times when my mind wants to drift too far along the road, I have to remind myself to stick to what I know. To stick to now. I hate not having control and right now my control lies in the knowledge I have gained, our treatment plan and I guess looking back at how far we've come.

And whilst we feel excitement that September really isn't too far away, sometimes there are reality-checks that remind us just how unknown this road really is. And today I had such a reality-check, I felt really shocked when I read an update on another little girl's journal. She is about to turn 6, but has just had a relapse. She's had the exact same type of cancer as Bianca has now. That was 3 years ago when she was first diagnosed and now suddenly little Hannah has to fight all over again. And not just that, but so much harder than before. It must be such a scary place to be!