Not so straightforward

Today felt pretty difficult and challenging.

Bianca felt a bit tired, but overall was quite happy. I guess from my side I didn't really expect her to become neutropenic again now that she has reached maintenance even though I know that with her medicines it is still very much a possibility. But I guess in a way it is your heart wanting one thing and your mind telling you another. So it was just another harsh reminder that this road is unexpected and isolated. So now we are back to isolating Bianca at home and that means possibly no ballet on Monday, no play dates, no going along to the shops and certainly if she was at school already that would have meant taking time off school. It is a pity though because with our current weather we do try and maximise Bianca's chances of being out and about, soon it will be winter where we will have to be extra extra careful as so many people usually get sick during winter.

Today I also felt a bit as if I was pushed with my back against a brick wall and my mind racing trying to find a "way out" and then realising that I am stuck. Days like today make me wish things were just a little bit simpler, a little bit easier and perhaps not so complicated.

Let's just say that because of specific actions we have not been able to secure an au pair for when Sanna leaves and that because of this I now might very possibly lose my job if I am unable to come up with other child care options.