Isn't it ironic?

For 2-and-a-third years we have dreamt of getting to today - our last day of treatment. For 2-and-a-third years we have longed to watch Bianca swallow her very last chemo tablet. More recently we started making end-of-treatment plans and we planned to time Bianca as usual for 2 hours after supper tonight, then give her very last chemo tablet. We planned to take a photo and even perhaps a video clip. Then tomorrow morning (Saturday) we planned to wake up early and after breakfast give a very special present to each of the girls. We bought a tricycle for Caitlyn and it is hidden away all ready to give to her and take Bianca to choose a new bicycle because her current one is way too small for her now. Then if it wasn't raining take the girls somewhere to ride their new bikes and celebrate typical childhood away from the constraints and limitations that is child cancer. Then in the evening go out for supper at a brand new restaurant really close to us to celebrate not having to time Bianca. Afterwards we planned to have a movie night at home with popcorn and maltesers, she wanted to watch Ghostbusters 1. And of course then we have the second part of our celebration next week on the 18th (but more on that a little later).

Instead, we are "celebrating" Bianca's last day of treatment in hospital, Ward 25B isolation room 5, she has a high temperature (was 39.5 when she we arrived and a little while after that 38.3), she was lethargic (but since perked up a bit), very little appetite, she is completely neutropenic (her white cell count is 0.34 and neutrophils too low to measure). She is getting IV antibiotics until blood cultures come back and we know what sort of a bug we are dealing with. And most disappointingly of all, I missed her swallowing her very last chemo tablet because she is not getting chemo with such low levels and we understand they don't make up doses. Terence gave her her tablet last night, I didn't watch her swallow it, we didn't take a photo or a video clip. I'm not complaining that the chemo is done, and I did want to keep things fairly low key, but I wanted that last chemo tablet to be recognised, to be witnessed, to be final. There will be no special present tomorrow morning and we won't be going out for supper (unless if you count the Subway we might buy for supper at the hospital).

It seems all so ironic. We started this journey with Bianca feeling miserable, admitted to hospital and neutropenic, hooked up to IV, in isolation and here we are at the end of our chemo treatment and it is just the same as way back in June 2007. Except that this time round we are not so clueless as we were back then, we've learned a thing or two since then.

One good thing though is that our celebration is such that we can do it when Bianca is discharged. It is just disappointing that it didn't go completely as planned. I hope Bianca will be out in time for the 18th, otherwise that too will have to be postponed.

Then just before I close this - thank you so much to Lynn, Norwin and Jarrod for a very special parcel that arrived for Bianca today. She was so surprised and so happy and you really made her day. Thank you!